Defeat and Sacrifice

The edge looms nearer
Beyond it the abyss of my soul
The final toll
Of my mind
Obscured visions nothing is clearer
Than the paranoia that plagues me
I am forced to see
To seek a final release
An existence of not caring
No emotion on my wearing
Hart which will blacken
If I’m to find peace.
The sacrifice of my soul
Or at least a part
That all is good
All is kind fades
Hope in despair
Nothing left to tear
Nothing left of me
Nothing but what you see

Your own Personal demon....

They take the form of flesh
My demons haunt me
Once were you, now as them
Laughing as they cut my heart
Devoid of souls all can see

Remorseless they enjoy if at all care
The suffering and pain
Continually sticking pins
Scars not allowed healing
Cruelty and despair thy name

Prolong the agony by creating a fantasy
Leave me broken, toy with the end
Will you release me? Cycle
Am I damned in a nightmare? Eternal
Not allowing my heart to mend

Shall the tables turn where do I stand?
Does revenge fuel me or am I numb
To the emotions I have already wasted on the
Demons that will forever inhabit my mind
And imprison me for their fun

I am not as weak as you would like
That which does not destroy me shall destroy you
Do not waste your suffering, keep it for yourself
For I have Angels on my side
I have the friends I call true.

Regrets?

Walking through the streets so narrow
Hands clasped beneath the stars
In your eyes nothing but love
I didn’t realise how close you were far

We sat by the river
A moment perfect, though it was surreal
We had everything planned, you and me
I wasn’t to know how you would feel

It’s hard to believe you said what you said
When your feelings changed so fast I guess
My opinion of you may have changed
But my feelings aren’t fading

My heart is torn when I look at you
The sound of your voice the laugh that you make
I remember when I made you smile
I wish I could again

I know your love for me is in the past
But when I dream of you it lasts
I wish it would stay there at times
But the pain wakes with me

It’s hard to see you moving on
When for so long I moved with you
I only feel like I’m going back
Though there’s some days I’d love to go back to

Everything went by so fast
There were nights I didn’t want to end
You made me happy, you really did
Thank you

Ands So

Your smile has faded
But the illusion remains
Frozen over that which was once thawed
A long time ago it must seem
Your colours are vibrant but
Which ones are true?
Was I a pawn in your self esteem?
Break my heart it if you must
Please don’t tear it.

The Fall of the Pessimistic

Darkness rises, fuels you
You feed off it
Prevent the consummation of that which is good
Resist
Allow amity to flow through the veins
To define the soul
To be numb is to submit
The darkness will take hold of the weak
Remain strong
Ascend to your right, keep it contained
Be happy, for the first time in your life
It lies within you
Resist

The Cycle

The nemesis of my enemy
Ouroboros for eternity
Understand the meaning of
That which has none
Try to comprehend the
Irrationality of it all
Mistaken for an act so
Pure it is tainted as
The ruined remains
And sanity is lost

Nothing

To feel nothing but know
That you still breathe
Is enough to be alive as long
Your soul courses
Darkness restrained but
Not caged
A fine balance, scales
Tipped slightly to
The other side
We’ll be there soon

New Born

Casing cracks
Wings are flexed
The new light burns
Fresh air intake
Crawl then stand
Look up for the first time
Focus on the new beginning
Walk forward, don’t look back

Me, myself

Understand the meaning
Of that which has none

When the fire has consumed all
And the ashes are all that remains
Stand proud and tall
The burn from the stars
Has proved worthwhile

Dreams

Look upon your fractured dreams
You don’t notice reality until you wake
Caught between that bad place
And the pleasure you are pulled from
A snapshot of a false memory
Feelings echo so real
They outstay their welcome
Perhaps you regret inviting them?
They will leave, maybe
Just give them time, force them
The choice lies within
But who makes the decision?

Ascend

Nothing changes
The more it remains
Feelings come through in waves
A tempest storm of emotion
Battering the soul to the floor
Rise, fall and rise once more
Reach for Heaven and risk the burn of the stars
The fire of Hell scolds much worse.

I lie

Look upon your fractured dreams
You don't separate reality until you wake
Caught between that bad place
And the pleasure you were pulled from
A snapshot of a false memory
feelings echo so real
They outstay their welcome
Perhaps you regret inviting them in?
They will leave, maybe
Time is needed, force it?
The choice lies within
But who makes the decision?

Move on

Mirrored in a familiar way
Similarities contrast with little difference
Nostalgia reigns
To quench melancholy proves difficult
Yet the time is here to give
Birth to new memories
The past belongs there
The future constantly unravels

Grasp

Nothing changes the more it remains
Feelings come through in waves
A tempest storm of emotion
Battering the soul to the floor
Rise, fall and rise once more
Reach for Heaven and risk the burn of the stars
The fire of Hell scolds much worse

The Scribe

A burning rage unlike
Before when it would fade
It hurts to restrain it
Confine it, keep it bound
What will it destroy if I release it?
A question I ask each time
Each time it tempts me
Small liberations increase each time
Endangering all, yet sustenance for I
I pray to a God that doesn’t care
My freewill is of my own
Yet I’m damned by a consciousness that needs to feed
Continually forcing my hand
I speak as if I have no choice
And would I stop it if I did?

Thanks for the regret

Am I losing my edge?
Why do I regret? What point?
Stop
Only way is forward
Why’s today a day of regret
When I don’t really care?
You’re either by my side
Or in my way
Choose
The past is not my friend
Forget it and be condemned to
Repeat it

Perfidy

Born of light, forged to end
Everything at His command
Serve without question
One doubt spreads, a cancer
Inflicts the notion of freewill. Rebellion
Divide
Two armies, one war
Brother against brother, blind
Faith tested
Blood is thick, it rains
Down and drowns those who dare
Oppose
Punished for loyalty damned for betrayal
Despair and fear, a promise
Of revenge
The first war is about to
End

Otherside

Understand yet?
It’s never been clearer
The dying revelation
The aide is the hindrance
When there’s no more to do
When all is dust
What?

It didn’t work for me so
I’ll spare you the torment
Why lock the front gate of hell
When the back doors open?
In the gloom, by helping others
Belief I could be cleansed
By damning others I blackened my soul further
Too weak to stop
No more
My death would be welcome but
It wont let me die

I beg of you to leave
I allow it
Take this small window of my kindness
Disappear
I wont find you
I wont look
I wont need to
There will be others
An indulgence you may have been
I cannot obsess, I have been…
Blinded
So leave this place you…
And never return?
I retain what I desire
The game continues
The struggle never over

I condemned myself long ago
Am I here by choice?
I possess the key
Mustn’t let go
Confusion loosens my grip
Clarity restores it
It’s less frequent now
If I’m not the man you think I am
Then what purpose do I serve you?
A saviour, it has been determined,
I am not
I cannot save myself
I feed off the despair as much as the happiness
If I take equal amounts doesn’t it make it whole?
I restore I damage
Two sides one coin
This isn’t clarity, it’s acceptance
Not submission, never
For am I the insane one?
Not as long as there is light
But as long as there is dark
Who can truly be saved.

Necessity

Intricate with precision
Remove, ensnare a sense
Study the pattern of madness
Unlock dementia and confine it
Cut deep, extract
Savour
Lick the spoon clean
Return when I need. Inflict
Pain to feed of it.
Arouse pleasure to drink from the cup
Close the door
I have the key

Mortality

Awareness is everything
Makes you notice
Time ticking
Same boat for us all
Awareness doesn’t make acceptance
Any easier
Fuck it

I care because you do

How did it feel for you?
Did it hurt as much?
Was the pain exquisite?
Pleasure/pain intertwined
Or was it easy?
As easy as it was for me?
Ecstasy for the blackened soul

Object

ou get used to it time
I was told
Four later
I still get anxious
The feeling of the inevitable is burning
And still you may neglect
And then what?
Doesn’t bare thinking about but it passes the time
It’s all you think about at first
Then it’s their life
Dreams, memories, family
But that bares thinking about less
A jobs a job my dad used to always say
Incomes income
Business is business
A jobs a job
The job is here
I always hesitate, in my head
But it doesn’t bare thinking about
Like that it’s over
I yearn for more

Condemned

And still I’m forced to wait
Confined to live in eight by ten feet
Sentenced to dwell on the inevitable
An eye for an eye
We haven’t changed that much
Justice decides the fate of man
And those who are hostile to righteousness
Though this is moral
Think of the end not as a release
And the wait doesn’t not offer any comfort
That the inevitable is coming
They’re here
It’s time to go
One last stroll before I lay forever
It’s time to be cleansed
And to be offered as a sacrifice
To please those who have been harmed
Those who have been harmed
Those that are virtuous
Those that are hypocrites
The beds so small
The pain brief
The terror lasting
And still I’m forced to wait

And to think…I hesitated

With life, emotion is a memory
Ones to savour, remember
When you run out of your own
You must seek them elsewhere
Rip them from the psyche
Devour sweet amity to fuel
The machine, turn the cogs
Go from engineer to puppet
A stung out junkie reliant
On cheap fixes
Take what you can find
But you my boy are delicate
A mind field of torment and
Wantonness

Dig deeper, you were once happy
Dig deeper, there was no confusion
Prise back the flesh to expose your
True self

Don’t hold back
I can contain it for you
Your release will favour us both
The treatment will hurt,
The pleasures excruciating
The despair a joy
Fill a blackened soul
Allow the demon to be content for now

I’ll help you if I can but
You must understand
You may never see me again
I hope I don’t awake one day
Remember something terrible
After this dialogue
Forget my face if you must but not
My words
Keep your pain, it’s who
You are

And I am…

It burns pain ingrained
Decomposition of inside
Sickened by self loathing
The face of Lilith mocking
Your weakness and pitiful
Attempts to resist
Entwined, helpless or just weak?
The option is not to resist
I was already snared, the trap
Had been long set, now it has
Closed will I escape?
The cost is high, I pay in full

The darkness
Is a blanket that consoles and
Stings
Nurturing and feeding
Blackening my soul a fight
I cannot win
But to accept is to be damned
There would be no return
Submission would be too easy
It knows this. Inside. Growing
Hooks piercing, do I succumb?
And give it satisfaction, it can
Starve for now
Cut off from emotion
It will not die, it will not
Sleep
But it will yield
For now

When it does rise
It needs to feed
I hunt, it prowls, looking for prey
The physical side was merely a prelude to
what lay beneath
Pleasures of the flesh existed
Only to enhance the sensation
Heightened emotions of lust and
Bliss
Calling to it, allowing me to feed
It’s never enough, consume all
Leave a shell. Feed. Repeat
So much essence to taste
Senses to experience
A cycle of the hunger

A Gift of God

Hide behind your Jesus
Your faith has blinded you
You are not the hand of God
It is not for you to choose
Burn the witch, sinners repent
The end of the world is nigh
Take your boards and chant your slogans
Do the devils work
Inflict fear among your brothers
Have children cower in terror
For he loves us all
Your message is fear
Control the sheep, strength in numbers
Remember you were an individual
Regardless of who’s right, it’s a choice
And it is not yours to make
God gave us freewill
So we wouldn’t have to listen to you

Gabriel’s Trumpet

Shiny metal wings creak and flex
Humanity cowers, fleeing from imminent danger
Flash of divine light quickly turning to hellfire
Bodies burn, the flesh crisp
Screams echo through the air in vain
They contort and yield, frozen in Armageddon’s clutch
Soft melted tissue dripping from their charred bones
They brace for the final wave
One last violent embrace
Insides bursting outwards, ashes to ashes
The wind carries them towards oblivion
Never forgotten, seldom remembered
The flame of sin consumes us all

Boredom

It’s all the same innit? Same in same out. How to break monotony. It isn’t an easy task, especially if you’re unhappy. Otherwise why break it? Happy people can be bored too, they just enjoy what they’re doing more. Money has a lot to do with it. It gives people the freedom to chose. Freedom to work two jobs to pay the rent and maybe have a couple of beers Friday night. Try to avoid Saturdays, it’s amateur night. Fridays pretty much the same but not as bad. Thursdays great but you may still get an areshole. Not on a Wednesday, nobody’s out but you and a couple of mates either off your face or complaining about spending money when having a shit night. Those aren’t the happy people. Still these happy people tend to go out Saturday. As these people the enemy? Because their jobs are better paid and they have more freedom? That’s a bit severe. But still it feels like a war zone, two armies colliding in the hope of the same thing. A good night out. One we’re all entitled to. Even the unemployed look forward to pay day. It’s a great feeling shared by all, but doesn’t make us all happy. Some know what to expect and it a kick swift to the balls by reality reminding them of their status in life. Political warfare played out like a play for an audience of one. Characters cast and lines rehearsed. All for the purpose of entertainment. For we are bound by invisible chains however we can see the restraints. And we allow those restraints to remain for we shall not throw down our shackles. Because we all live in fear, happy and sad. And we are controlled by that fear and shall be forever more until we say stop. Enough. We are all free men, let us embrace each other rather than set up partitions. Extend a hand and realise we are of the same. There is no need for conflict we are all on the same road. Let us stick to it. But it’s not human nature. Since the first couple was forbid from that fruit we were told what to do. But that deity has been replaced by capitalism and fundamentalists, twisting the word of God to satisfy their own needs. The east do it too, and are no less direct or aggressive than us. But many of us walk blind to it. But in east there are those that can see. If they would listen, or allow us to talk to one another. They would see. But there’s no profit in peace eh? And without money how can we break the monotony?

-0

Pain is temporary
Scars heal
Time takes care of all
Even the brightest star burns out
Nothing lasts
Then…clarity. One image, all
It takes.
A memory that causes the adrenalin to
Rush through your
Body
Then you realise what’s important. Temporarily at
Least
Doesn’t last